What Love Locks Can Teach Us About Emotional Regulation?
- Val Ritis
- Jan 19
- 2 min read
I took this photo last Saturday while I was walking around North Vancouver. The day was beautiful!
I love the symbolism of these love locks: two names, a date, an “I choose you” left in the world as a reminder.
It’s beautiful because it speaks to what every real love wants: to last.
But later, when I looked at the photos more calmly, another reflection came to me… about self-love.
Because when self-love isn’t present, it becomes hard to love someone else with presence, consistency, and truth.
We still love… but we love with fear.
We love looking for proof, reassurance, safety from the outside.
And without noticing, we start to tighten the bond—through demands, control, expectations… sometimes through silence, sometimes through tests.
Not out of malice.
But because there are inner voices that, out of fear, try to take the wheel to protect us from a pain that hasn’t fully healed yet.
It’s a part of us that’s hungry to be seen, validated, and protected.
For me, self-love is the opposite of that.
It’s inner presence.
It’s emotional maturity.
It’s noticing who is trying to “drive” you from the inside in each moment, and choosing to come back to yourself.
It’s respecting yourself when no one is watching.
It’s seeing yourself with honesty and kindness.
It’s recognizing your strengths, not only your weaknesses.
It’s remembering the power within you, even when the world feels like it’s falling apart around you.
And when that kind of love exists… the love you give to another person changes in quality.
It becomes cleaner. Freer. More whole.
You don’t love to be saved. You love to share.
You don’t ask someone else to fill a hole. You offer a heart that is already inhabited.
Maybe that’s why I love this image so much: it reminds me that mature love doesn’t trap, it holds.
And the first place it needs to hold… is within us.
Today, I’ll leave you with an honest question:
What’s one simple act of self-love you can do for yourself this week?
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